Q. Five names you go by:

1. Josh
2. Smith
3. Dad
4. Daddy
5. Smithers

Q. Three things you are wearing right now:

1. Lands End Fleece Slippers
2. A Chris Tomlin t-shirt
3. Old Navy Jeans

Q. Two things you want very badly at the moment:

1. A clear definition of what my job will look like over the next year or two
2. To be able to look back a projects at home and know they are complete and correct

Q. Two things you did last night:

1. Wondered why they insist on rolling Dick Clark out – let the man die already
2. Browsed the iTunes App Store in anticipation of getting an iPhone

Q. Two things you ate today:

1. A slice of cheesecake
2. Too much popcorn when watching Bolt with my wife and kids

Q. Two people you last talked to on the phone:

1. My mom
2. My mother-in-law

Q. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

1. Enjoy a day off
2. Hang a ceiling fan

Q. Two longest car rides:

1. Kalamazoo, MI
2. “Clearwater,” FL

Q. Two of your favorite beverages:

1. Coffee roasted by my Dad
2. Coca-Cola

Q. The people you’d like to respond

1. Kirsten
2. Jeremy Bear (Hey, I did it after months of nothing – you can do it after years. Besides, you’ve got that fancy new version of your site done now. Crackalacka…)
3. Derrak Ostovic

For sale: Baby shoes, Never worn.

His friends paid up.

Jeff Kirk recently challenged me to write a memoir in 6 words – no $10 though. I couldn’t settle on one so I did two. Six words each, here they are:

Here are some others I thought of but didn’t quite make the cut. Obviously with 6 words I wasn’t trying to get too deep.

A giant among short-statured men.

He figured it out—well—eventually

Here are a few from wired magazine. Having completed my memoir, per the meme – I must now name 5 others that I’d like to see:

1. My wife, Kirsten
2. Keith Haynik
   
3. Andy Pull
   
4. Gary Underwood
5. Jeremy Bear

So I figured something must have happened. When I logged in and checked my messages on ESPN.com I saw that the same editor that considered promoting my 1st entry to the front page of ESPN had posted this message

From: MattFriedrichs
Sent: 03/30/2008 at 1:19 PM
Subject: 64, 32 blog

Message: Nice work. It will be featured on the front of ESPN.com until about 2:20 p.m. ET.

The post that follows is what made it to the front page of ESPN.com for about an hour on Sunday March 30th. Click title in bold to link to the entry and comments at ESPN.com

32 & 64 to Boycott 2009 NCAA Tournament – want “Special Names”

Manhattan, New York, NY — Having recently completed their portion of this years Men’s NCAA Tournament the numbers 32 & 64 called a joint press conference this morning @ 10:30, on Sesame Street next to Mr. Hooper’s store announcing their intention to boycott the 2009 tournament season if they were not given “special names” like their counterparts 16, 8 & 4.

Their spokesman, Count Von Count stated that “If the NCAA doesn’t develop nicknames for my clients, they will have to look for other numbers to fill their place next year, ah ah ah ah ah.” After some concluding statements 32 & 64 took questions from the press.

Q. You both seem quite committed to this idea -but as of yet offer no solutions or compromises – why shouldn’t the NCAA simply pick two other numbers divisible by two?

A. 32 – “I’ve been around since 1975, 64 since ’85 (1985), we put in hard work and longer hours than our counterparts 16, 8 & 4. We’ve thought long an hard about the decision to announce our intentions regarding the tournament. We are prepared to walk away if necessary.”

64 – “I would like to add, however, that we are willing to work with the NCAA should they decide to come up with special names for us. We will not, I repeat, we will not make suggestions as to what we should be referred to as. That’s like coming up with a nick-name for yourself and forcing it on others.”

Q. Isn’t that, in fact, what you’re doing by putting the NCAA in this position.

A. 64 – “No it’s quite different. Look – we know we’re not what everybody is coming to see. We know that, but you cannot have 16, 8 & 4 without us. We’re part of the Big Dance too!”

32 – “I’ve got a buddy that is a nutjob about Superman. He’s considering doing a Superman theme bathroom in his basement. He wears Superman t-shirts, watches all the movies, reads the comic book, has a Superman symbol belt buckle – like I said, he’s a nutjob. He claims that people refer to him as Superman, specifically the sushi chef at the Golden Dragon, so he claims that Superman is his nickname. I personally have never heard him referred to as Super-anything. So when he says ‘people call me Superman’ I think – No, people call you ‘juvenile and a bit arrogant.’ Don’t get me wrong, he’s a super guy but he’s no Superman. ”

“What I’m saying is that we can’t be a part of the nick-naming process. It wouldn’t be right.”

Q. What is your deadline for knowing whether you’ll be a part of the tournament next year?

A. 64 – “We don’t want to put a firm deadline on this. But we’d love to have the whole thing resolved before the end of this year’s tournament. Just letting the public know that we’d like equal treatment with 16, 8 & 4 is sure to get them thinking – I would guess that the big brains out there could come up with something great. I’m talking to you Musberger.”

At that point Von Count ushered 32 & 64 away. They were later seen signing autographs and having their picture taken with Big Bird & Elmo.

When asked to comment on the announcement 4 (Final Four) stated that he’d love to see parity in the nicknames and hopes the NCAA can reach an agreement with 32 & 64 quickly. 8 & 16, however did not share his feelings.

16 (Sweet Sixteen) – “64 – you’re a punk, you need a few more trips around the block before you can start making demands like that – and 32, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You’re an important part of the process, but there is no “I” in team dude.”

8 (Elite Eight) added, “I’ve been here since the beginning – but I didn’t go begging for a nickname. Know your role and shut your hole”

8 & 16 were brief in their comments stating that they still had work to do for this weekend’s games.

Noticeably absent from todays events were 1 & 2, both who play what is considered the most important of roles in the tournaments. The famously arrogant #1 declined to comment stating “Who cares – it’s all about me anyway.” and Number 2 has avoided the public eye ever since he became a euphemism for defecation.

Here is my list of things Jeremy might be doing instead of blogging

10. Keeping it ‘real’

9. Developing a non-nutritive, semi-permiable, non-osmotic cereal varnish and crunch enhancer

8. Wishing everybody would forget about that stupid children’s show so he could be #1 Jeremy Bear site on the Internet again. **Edit – since I first wrote this apparently, the site has grown in popularity with the Google – this is a good sign – strike while the iron is hot dude! **

7. Animating next year’s Christmas animation

6. Trying like heck to not be an Obamaniac

5. Keeping a lid on it (before somebody starts a fight)

4. Penning an autobiography entitled “Calvin: The Sketch that Made Me the Man I am Today”

3. Working on an educational comic book titled “Gilbert & Calliope address the myth of Global Warming” a comic fully sponsored by BP (Make life a little better).

2. Whittling toothpicks

1. Keeping us all waiting

I thought I’d send you to a few of my favorite Jeremy Bear posts – go on, clickety click.

Jeremy & Carey’s digital Christmas Greetings – 2003 is my favorite as it’s the most interactive.

Traffic Pwned! – Jeremy recounts the story of his day with ‘Uncle Aaron’ at a mandatory traffic school

Jeremy on the Late Show with Jay Leno – yes, on national television. This clip needs to be on YouTube.

The JeremyBear.com Mailbox – Illustrating the Internet’s addiction to all that is JeremyBear.com

Mt. Paran Christian School – the comic that introduced JeremyBear.com to legal action!

I’d link you to a few more but Jeremy has the worst archive system that blogger offers, making it absolutely painful to try and find things – all that said – check out the links. Hopefully Jeremy will send up a flare and let us who don’t see or hear from him regularly know that he is indeed still alive – and hopefully at some point, still blogging. The world’s got a fever, and the only prescription – is more Jeremy (or more cowbell).