In the year 2009…

• Newly inaugurated president Barack Obama will request that I actually appear in photos with him instead of using Photoshop to insert myself.
• I will continue to mutter “should have bought a mac” under my breath whenever I am informed that someone’s PC is “acting funny.”
• Former president George W. Bush will finally run out of trees for “chain-sawin’” on his Crawford, TX ranch.
• Miley Cyrus will increase dramatically in her ability to be annoying, but will be unsuccessful in reaching the same heights as  her father’s creepy hairdo
• The continent of Africa will unite under a common goal.  Will it be clean water? A solution to the AIDS epidemic? No – Ending adoptions by annoying celebrities like Brad, Angelina & Madonna.
• Speaking of Madonna, she will release a new album entitled “Pause” Critics will celebrate the album as a new-era in her creativity. She will receive her AARP membership card.
• Knute Larson, now Co-Senior Pastor of The Chapel will use the exclamation “Yo!” ninety times. Each time teenagers will wonder to themselves if he really thinks that’s “the cool thing” to say.
• Facebook will become the worlds most popular website, followed closely by Zombo.com
• Starbucks will be available anywhere thanks to a new technology they call BarInsta!® – drinks are sent by demolecularization from the nearest location and received via a microchip enabled coffee collar. There will be three sizes – Groot, Malaki & Duża.  (All mean large in Dutch, Filipino & Polish)

Special Bonus Predictions!

• Scientist will create a vegetable that looks like cauliflower and tastes like watermelon. No one will want to eat it because it will be called brain fruit. It later will be found to cause bleeding from the ears. And death. Sweet, tasty death.
• Lawyers will figure out a way to sue the governtment for continuing to issue pennies when they are obviously not worth anything. The goverment will lose and oddly enough, will owe each American 4¢.
• After discovering a frozen wooly mammoth embryo and implanting it in an elephant, biologists will celebrate its arrival naming it Snuffleupagus. They will then set out to grow a really big bird to provide it with a “best friend.”

Q. Five names you go by:

1. Josh
2. Smith
3. Dad
4. Daddy
5. Smithers

Q. Three things you are wearing right now:

1. Lands End Fleece Slippers
2. A Chris Tomlin t-shirt
3. Old Navy Jeans

Q. Two things you want very badly at the moment:

1. A clear definition of what my job will look like over the next year or two
2. To be able to look back a projects at home and know they are complete and correct

Q. Two things you did last night:

1. Wondered why they insist on rolling Dick Clark out – let the man die already
2. Browsed the iTunes App Store in anticipation of getting an iPhone

Q. Two things you ate today:

1. A slice of cheesecake
2. Too much popcorn when watching Bolt with my wife and kids

Q. Two people you last talked to on the phone:

1. My mom
2. My mother-in-law

Q. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

1. Enjoy a day off
2. Hang a ceiling fan

Q. Two longest car rides:

1. Kalamazoo, MI
2. “Clearwater,” FL

Q. Two of your favorite beverages:

1. Coffee roasted by my Dad
2. Coca-Cola

Q. The people you’d like to respond

1. Kirsten
2. Jeremy Bear (Hey, I did it after months of nothing – you can do it after years. Besides, you’ve got that fancy new version of your site done now. Crackalacka…)
3. Derrak Ostovic

For sale: Baby shoes, Never worn.

His friends paid up.

Jeff Kirk recently challenged me to write a memoir in 6 words – no $10 though. I couldn’t settle on one so I did two. Six words each, here they are:

Here are some others I thought of but didn’t quite make the cut. Obviously with 6 words I wasn’t trying to get too deep.

A giant among short-statured men.

He figured it out—well—eventually

Here are a few from wired magazine. Having completed my memoir, per the meme – I must now name 5 others that I’d like to see:

1. My wife, Kirsten
2. Keith Haynik
   
3. Andy Pull
   
4. Gary Underwood
5. Jeremy Bear

Here is my list of things Jeremy might be doing instead of blogging

10. Keeping it ‘real’

9. Developing a non-nutritive, semi-permiable, non-osmotic cereal varnish and crunch enhancer

8. Wishing everybody would forget about that stupid children’s show so he could be #1 Jeremy Bear site on the Internet again. **Edit – since I first wrote this apparently, the site has grown in popularity with the Google – this is a good sign – strike while the iron is hot dude! **

7. Animating next year’s Christmas animation

6. Trying like heck to not be an Obamaniac

5. Keeping a lid on it (before somebody starts a fight)

4. Penning an autobiography entitled “Calvin: The Sketch that Made Me the Man I am Today”

3. Working on an educational comic book titled “Gilbert & Calliope address the myth of Global Warming” a comic fully sponsored by BP (Make life a little better).

2. Whittling toothpicks

1. Keeping us all waiting

I thought I’d send you to a few of my favorite Jeremy Bear posts – go on, clickety click.

Jeremy & Carey’s digital Christmas Greetings – 2003 is my favorite as it’s the most interactive.

Traffic Pwned! – Jeremy recounts the story of his day with ‘Uncle Aaron’ at a mandatory traffic school

Jeremy on the Late Show with Jay Leno – yes, on national television. This clip needs to be on YouTube.

The JeremyBear.com Mailbox – Illustrating the Internet’s addiction to all that is JeremyBear.com

Mt. Paran Christian School – the comic that introduced JeremyBear.com to legal action!

I’d link you to a few more but Jeremy has the worst archive system that blogger offers, making it absolutely painful to try and find things – all that said – check out the links. Hopefully Jeremy will send up a flare and let us who don’t see or hear from him regularly know that he is indeed still alive – and hopefully at some point, still blogging. The world’s got a fever, and the only prescription – is more Jeremy (or more cowbell).