I am not sure how this is all going to play out but I do know that people (like our friends and family) have no idea how hard this is and what price comes with adopting. I mean it is not a match made and you get your precious baby and you all live happily ever after. It is indeed this child’s life because of other circumstances that still have an attachment to the child/ren. Although they are removed (far) from the situation, that old life it is still a part of who they are! We can never erase that and we will have to always allow that to be part of the child/ren if they so choose!

tough stuff to chew and swallow but there are friends lurking on your blog :) “hello” that will be here when that time is tough and you need an ear! (or a pair of eyes) :).

Good to “see” you and the fam again! Welcome back!

What I’ve found though, is that my best support network isn’t necessarily “in real life” people. A few get it, a few more try to get it, and about 98% of the IRL people I interact with (often including my family) don’t get it. They honestly have NO IDEA how hard this journey is. Really, unless someone has LIVED this journey themselves, it is pert near impossible to truely understand.

That’s exactly why I blog. That’s where my support network is. It’s through my blog that I’ve found friends I can turn to that really do get it. They lift me up when I’m down, they put more strength back in my bucket, they understand how hugely significant it is that my little son prays for his grandma’s knee to get better completely on his own – and rejoice with me about it as well. They are the ones who understand how isolating this journey can feel, and how draining and all encompasing it can be. My IRL friends and family are wonderful and I couldn’t do this without them, but it’s my bloggy buddies who really “get” it and keep me sane.

As for the reading quotes…I completely agree with all but one tiny part of it. The pain of adoption is indeed very real and cuts very, very deep. It must be honored and accepted without strings – and it certainly must not be trivialized. But I don’t believe it is the sole axis of the person. That definition and assumption that it IS a persion offers no hope, no room for genuine attachment to a new family, no room for growth, and most sadly, no room for the healing grace of Christ.

Even my two little RADlings who have a whole alphabet full of other acronyms behind their names thanks to the pain of adoption are not “just” their pain. Nor is the sole focus of their life the fact that they were adopted. Adoption is something that happened to them – something huge in which they had no control over. So is every painful thing that happened to them before the adoption that made it necessary (and possible) for them to be adopted. But adoption is not WHO they are. Who they really are are children of God with a divinely appointed purpose and destiny.

Regardless of all the pain they’ve experienced, the one thing they do have control over is their healing. Yes, the process is all encompassing at times and yes it does even seem like a tsunami that threatens to completely engulf them (and me.) But through the miracle of faith and hope and the atoning blood of our Savior, my kids ARE healing and they are becoming so much more than pain and adoption. They are becoming the people God intended for them to be when he created them.

Slowly but surely, they are learning to release and process and reframe that pain as they are ready to do it. There are no shortcuts through it, it isn’t fun, it is HARD on everyone around them, but it also won’t be this way forever. Sadly, my kids will always have some pretty large chucks of their identity and early childhood missing. But I am confident that with a lot of work, and a lot of faith, and a few miracles, those holes will someday be divits in the road that shape their character rather than gaping sinkholes that threaten to destroy them.

Many blessings to you – and keep on bloggin’ :-)