Bless you all!

We have had on and off issues with our DD ( adopted at 17 months). We were told that these kids often have potty issues because the feel so out of control. The CAN control when they go potty, they can control where they go potty etc.

I think for any of us any extreme behavior is a sign of internal conflict.

You might try letting Wilbur keep a small box of books etc by the toilet. Maybe even a small CD player or something. Maybe without the complete focus being on going potty it will be easier for him to go. ( tmi but I have problems relaxing enough to have a BM unless I am reading or something)

You are absolutely right about two things regarding it, though. #1 – This issue does have roots in attachment. Strong roots! And, sadly they are very likely tied to issues such as early abuse, neglect, and/or deprivation. It is so heartbreaking, isn’t it!?

#2 – There is no more perfect way to deal with it than you did. Don’t you love how the Lord works? Yah, we’ve been through the gamut on this deal, too. It wasn’t until we loved our son through it just as you described (we were prompted by the Holy Spirit, too) and explained how sick this practice was making him that our son quit holding the poop. It was also about the time that we realized he’d been with our family longer than he was in the orphanage that he turned this corner.

Very likely, your little one needs you to be the mommy he never had as an infant. Here’s a good test. Try feeding him some warm milk with a little chocolate syrup in it from a baby bottle. Wrap him in a blanket like a baby and YOU hold the bottle during the feeding. If he gobbles it up, he still needs you to help him through this missed phase. If he got that level of nurturing as an infant, he won’t really even take the bottle. He’ll just play with it at best.

I would definately put him through the potty training process again. It will help stave off future issues – or at least the intensity of them. He may still use his bodily functions as a weapon or communication tool at times, but keep working with him and keep loving him (that reminder was for me, too :-). Also, make sure he’s getting enough fiber (about 13 grams daily) and drinking enough liquids. This will help a lot. We also give our little guys fish oil pills 2x daily (morning and night) to keep everything lubricated. That helps a lot, too. Plus they’re full of good, nutritious omega-3’s. A little olive oil in some orange juice will work too, but the fish oil pills are easier to get down.

From one poopy Mama to the next, best wishes and happy training!