my baby is 5

i have been looking to write since my last post in october.  posts have been thought of, never started.  posts have been started, never completed.  my little boy turns 5 tomorrow and it hurts.

my little boy who was 15 months old when he came home.

my little boy who slept in a crib, wore diapers, used a pacifier, ate with his hands, sat in a highchair, wore a bib.

my little boy who started walking the day before he came home.

my little boy who needed me to help him walk because he was really, really wobbly.

my little boy who learned how to talk, use silverware, use the toilet, go up and down the stairs-all with me.

my little boy who started school, learned to ride a bike, slide down a slide, swing-all with me.

my little boy who loved to have me sing the ‘sleepy baby’ song,  one i made up just for him.

my little boy-the closest i’ve been and will likely ever be to having a baby.

my little boy, my little baby, turns 5.

i can’t believe it.

you always hear about how fast kids grow up.  and it’s true.  it’s a little hard for me to comprehend that our other two children are 8 and 6 1/2 already.  but it’s really hard for me to comprehend that our youngest is going to be 5.

my heart hurts for all the time that has passed.  my heart hurts because he’ll never be that little, little boy again.  and at the same time, my heart rejoices for all that he has become, for the second chance at life that he has received.  my heart overflows with love for the sweet boy he is and for the sweet and kind man i pray he will become.

happy 5th birthday little one.

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