complaining

February 5th, 2010

do you really have to complain about being pregnant?   i know that pregnancy goes along with being a woman, but for some, for many actually, so does infertility.

do you know how much i’d love to complain about having sore breasts?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about growing out of my clothes(and not just because i’ve been eating too many french fries or potato chips)?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about needing to go to the bathroom ‘all the time’?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about not being able to get comfortable in the middle of the night?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about all the work it’s gonna take to get a nursery prepared?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about a grueling labor and delivery?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about swollen ankles?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about not being able to see my toes?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about getting pregnant too soon after getting married?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about getting pregnant during one season vs. another?  do you know how much i’d love to complain about it taking two months to get pregnant?  or three?  or four?  or six?  or eight?  or ten?  or twenty?  do you know what it’s like to try to get pregnant for 78 months?  do you know how hard it is to think about what i’d love to complain about only because i’ve heard you complaining about it?

chances are, you don’t.  because do you ever stop to think about who is around you when you are complaining?  do you ever wonder if there are women in your midst who would love to complain about what you are complaining about?  do you ever think about, for them, how painful that might be?

i think that maybe, you should.


7 Responses to “complaining”

  1. Charlotte Woofter on February 5, 2010 4:11 pm

    Oh Kirsten, ya know what, you are right. My 32 year old cousin is fighting a rough battle with breast cancer, it spread to her ribs and she is being put into menopause to stop the cancer and her chemotherapy has high does of steroids- then end result is swollen face and abdomen and she’s gained about 50 pounds. About 6 times in the past 3 months people have asked if she’s expecting. She is devastated at the loss of never being able to experience physically having a child and I personally want to punch all the people who ask that question. Along with your advice, I would add: Never, never assume someone’s expecting I don’t care how pregnant they look. I guess I’ve been at my computer a lot this week and I’m always encouraged by your posts on FB, keep up the encouragement! -char

  2. Amanda on February 5, 2010 4:53 pm

    Good for you, Kirsten. I agree completely with you. Infertility levels all fields, doesn’t it? Knocks us down to our knees. Kicks the wind out of you. Ruthless. It sucks. It’s unfair and cruel. That’s the only thing to say about it. Our marriage was tested to the extreme during the years and years we went through it.
    I know all too well what you mean in your frustrations. It’s another way to look at things, isn’t it? A way that I wish more people would understand. I used to cringe when people I knew who were pregnant would gush, “And we weren’t even trying!” Or..”And now I’m pregnant AGAIN!” I was in anguish over my own body’s failure’s, while being forced to hear the frets of those with abundance.
    And it never goes away, really…not really. There’s this part of me that would love to have another baby, but I don’t think it would happen. I pray everyday for contentment in the 2 we have….keeping those baby urges at bay. :)
    I am glad you write stuff like this. It’s nice to see it in writing, I think. It SHOULD be in writing. Too many women are facing this.

  3. cherise on February 5, 2010 8:49 pm

    THANK YOU FOR BEING COURAGEOUS! ANGRY! TRANSPARENT! And UNCOMPROMISING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP with Our heavenly Father!..your words touched me because Im getting older and dealing with the hard reality that a husband and children may not be Gods answer to my hearts desire…I am AMAZED @ how much my coworkers and parents complain and take these relationships for granted

  4. Beth on February 5, 2010 9:23 pm

    Kirsten,
    Can I forward this to a few people? Seriously, I so know what you mean. Thank you for giving voice to those of us who just don’t have the strength to do so.

  5. H. on February 6, 2010 11:32 am

    Very well said Kirsten. A great reminder to all women. Your courage and tenacity are amazing!

  6. Maya on February 12, 2010 6:52 pm

    Thank you so much for this post! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had these thoughts but never knew if I was the only one. I continue to pray for God to soften my heart at those times. I do know it has caused me to be more aware of what I say that might be hurt those around me.

  7. sarah on February 28, 2010 10:56 pm

    on behalf of all the women who have complained without necessarily realizing it and for sure never intended on hurt you I am soo sorry!
    Going through a pregnancy does not make you a mom, being a Godly women who trust God with the circumstances and children you have been given no matter how they come to you makes you a mom.
    birthing children is not all there is..raising children, loving them, teaching them and watching them grow into people that you have modeled for them to be throughout the years…that is the best.
    i love your heart! keep sharing and trusting!

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