throw up
all of our kids have thrown up now. amelia for the first time when she was newly 5. wilbur for the first time just last week. at mcdonald’s. yes, at mcdonald’s. and orville for the first time just last night.
it was around 10:45pm. josh and i were sitting in the living room talking about his job and various issues there. we heard orville call out, “something is wrong with my tummy.” josh went flying up the stairs to get him. well, he didn’t actually fly, but he did run very, very fast. he grabbed orville out of bed and took him into the bathroom. his shirt was covered with the stuff. the throw up that is.
i went in to check his bed. it was everywhere. josh cleaned up orville and put him in clean jammies. i stripped the bed and got everything rinsed out and into the washing machine. josh held orville on the couch for awhile. it reminded us of when the kids first came home and orville had a hard time sleeping. josh would take him to the couch and rest with him for awhile and then put him back in his bed. josh tried to talk to orville about it, but orville didn’t understand. josh said, “when you first came home, you were a little guy. well, not really little. you were like a big baby. and daddy would hold you when you couldn’t sleep.” orville said, “no, i not a big baby.”
after josh held him awhile last night, orville wanted to come to me. while i held him, i sang. before i became a mom, that was always one of my dreams, to sing to my baby. orville sang with me here and there, to twinkle twinkle little star, my God is so big, Jesus loves me, go tell it on the mountain, you are my sunshine. josh put clean bedding on orville’s bed, i put him back in it.
josh and i settled into the same places we were before orville called out to us. i was so happy we were here to help him. but i was also sad that when amelia was orville’s age, we didn’t get to help her. and then i started to question if we have handled her the right way when she’s been sick. when she was sick the first time, she was crying loudly and we kept having to tell her to quiet down so she wouldn’t wake her brothers. she had a hard time following instructions as we’d try to change her into clean clothes, clean up her bed, clean up her floor, etc. she seemed to always end up in the spot we were trying to clean. i would get mad, easily, and feel so guilty.
josh reminded me that we can’t change any of that. we did the best we could. we are doing the best we can. because we missed out on amelia’s early years, we can do better now. he told me he makes it a point every night when he tucks her in to tell her how much he loves her, how special she is, and how proud he is of her.
and i struggle, almost daily, wondering if we are doing things right. do i hug them enough? do i kiss them enough? do i smile at them enough? do i talk to them enough? do i engage them enough? am i teaching them the right things? do i point them to God enough? do i let them watch too much TV? do i read to them enough? the list can, and sometimes does, go on and on.
here is the word the Lord sent me this morning in my devotional:
“for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” jeremiah 29:11
Filed under children, family, Jesus, music, parenting | Comments (2)“do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough for your children? the recording in your head begins playing, “you’re a bad mother.” i hear that same recording. sometimes it plays nonstop. i worry that i am not providing my children with the opportunities that will bring success. what if they don’t make the middle school soccer team because i didn’t sign them up for summer soccer camp? what if they miss out on academic scholarships because i didn’t spend enough time reading with them when they were little? what if? what if? what if? you know, God doesn’t want us dwelling in the land of “what if?”. He wants us to trust Him with our children. He wants us to quit “what-if-ing!” God has a plan for their lives-better than you could ever imagine. so, relax. you’re not a bad mother because you missed soccer camp sign-ups. if you’ve given your children to God, you’ve given them the best chance to succeed that you could ever give them!”
“Lord, i give my children to You. thank You, God, for Your plans. Amen.”
happy new year
2009. wow! my kids came home in 2006. i can’t believe it will be three years in just a few months. this year has flown by. here’s how we ended 2008.
the thursday before Christmas was french tea day for wilbur’s pre-k class. the kids spent a few weeks learning how to count in french, say the days of the week, colors, and various Christmas related words. they also learned a few new Christmas songs.
grammy and i had the privilege of attending the tea. wilbur did great! sang along, talked along(when they recited their words), built a great eiffel tower out of cookies with grammy, was excited that santa came. that is until it got closer to his turn to sit on santa’s lap. i don’t know why he cried.
a few weeks ago, when we saw santa at the bowling alley, wilbur wasn’t scared at all. this day was a different story though. oh the poor little guy. so many tears. a quivering lip. i joined him on his visit. i re-asked the questions santa asked him so that good old santa would get an answer. after santa was gone, wilbur was back to normal, even posing with his gift in front of the eiffel tower background they had.
after the tea we picked up orville from his 3′s class. he told us he saw santa. and he didn’t cry.
wilbur loves to wear button down shirts. he affectionately calls them ‘man shirts’. because they make him look like a man of course. he was very excited when josh drew a picture of him in one of his ‘man shirts’.
amelia, who i might start calling little mommy, very much enjoyed getting to hold the newest baby in our circle of family and friends, pamela joy. it took a few tries to get her in amelia’s arms just right. and a pillow to prop her up. but we did it.
we finally decorated our Christmas tree. it was up for at least two weeks and only had 3 or 4 decorations. poor thing.
after decorating, we had our very dear friends, the blitzer’s, over for dinner. scott and alyssa are so good with the kids and the kids just adore them.
they brought the kids a present too. i love how excited amelia is in this picture. thanks for the game guys!
amelia got her glasses. here she is in her first official glasses picture.
first picture in her glasses with her brothers.
first ride in the van with glasses.
first time watching TV with glasses.
she’s just so adorable!
Christmas eve was different for us this year. busy, but fun. we had dinner at my sister’s, then went to church, then had our families here for dessert. my mother-in-law is hoping this is a new tradition. she even bought me a beautiful platter, creamer, and sugar set to help. we’ll see what happens.
my nephew william. he just had to sit in amelia’s booster. wilbur’s was available but just not good enough.
uncle nate playing wheelbarrow with wilbur and orville.
little mommy watching over 4 month old cousin winston. and taking his picture.
wilbur and grammy discussing the possible arrival of santa overnight.
the tree before santa came.
the tree after santa came. wilbur was the first one downstairs and was quick to start checking out who the packages were for.
wilbur showing amelia the gifts.
josh and the kids reading the Christmas story.
stocking time.
present time.
amelia’s favorite gift-her leapster.
josh got a new coffee maker. he was very excited. and very surprised.
josh and our gift from amelia.
orville and i, with his gift to us.
i made the story of how our family came together into a book. i got a copy for each of the kids. i was excited to give them to them. they were excited to receive them.
after our family time at home, we headed to grammy and gramps’ house. we spent most of the day there, joining them for lunch and dinner.
grammy and amelia reading together.
me trying to relax.
but not having very much luck.
stocking time at grammy’s!
the day after Christmas, we stayed home all day. i stayed in jammies all day. and my sister and her boys came over. i snapped this shot of winston right before he sneezed. i love it!
saturday, some of my extended family came over for dessert and some playtime with the kids. some of them hadn’t met the kids yet. it was really nice to have everyone here. hope we can do it again!
my cousin rick and orville.
my cousin megan and her son kyle.
my cousin erin’s boyfriend jake and our dog shelby.
my cousin megan’s husband larry, wilbur, and larry boy. wilbur and orville were really hoping that larry would be larry boy from veggitales. sadly, he’s not a cucumber. but he did say the kids could call him larry boy.
cousin rick and all three kids.
Sunday was our Christmas celebration with my side of the family. here are all the grandkids, minus winston, with my brother ryan and his girlfriend heather.
little mommy and cousin winston.
wilbur and winston.
orville and winston.
grandma ahern, my mom’s mom. she’s 91 now. this was her first time meeting the kids. she recently moved back from california.
wilbur and a wrapping paper hat that josh had been wearing. in this picture he’s grumpy. not sure why, but he wasn’t in the best mood.
in this picture he’s a little happier. i told him he had to be. we were celebrating Christmas and had no room for bad moods.
possibly my favorite gift-a starbucks cup ornament from my mom. it makes me happy.
uncle peter liked his new shirt from us.
a rare shot of william with josh. will is generally scared of his uncle because josh is really goofy.
amelia and nana reading.
amelia spending time with her leapster.
the kids showing off one of our gifts from nana and papa. they donated a sheep, in our name, to an impoverished family.
last night, new years eve, we stayed in. had chinese take out for dinner. and weren’t impressed with the new years eve TV shows. tonight, to celebrate the first day of the new year, we had dinner out with my sister and her family.
my sister.
william.
peter and winston.
josh.
wilbur and amelia.
orville.
and because i missed saying it on Christmas, Merry Christmas, from our family.
so it’s been a long time…
we were all sick. i kept you up on that pretty well for awhile. but then i got sick. strep. it wiped me out for a few days. i wanted to write, but just couldn’t. i didn’t feel well. i couldn’t justify the time because i needed to catch up with laundry. or dishes. or something. i am better now. and so are the kids. let me catch you up to date.
when i was sick, my wonderful MIL brought over some soup and apple crisp to help me feel better. and to help my family eat since i couldn’t cook. wilbur doesn’t like “mushy apples”. this means he won’t eat homemade applesauce, apple pie, apple crisp, baked apples, etc. sometimes we make him try some. you never know. maybe sometime he’ll start to like “mushy apples”. here’s his serving.
here’s him crying about his serving.
here he is taking a bite of his serving. oh, so painful. give me a break!
here’s amelia during the same meal.
and orville.
here’s amelia and orville playing Wii while wilbur finishes his “mushy apples”.
wilbur after the “mushy apples” are all in his tummy. he’s just fine.
snack for that night. lemonade licorice, pieces of a kit kat. prepared by josh.
the boys like to play in amelia’s room. the play kitchen is in there. and all the play food. i don’t usually allow them in there unless she’s home. and they ask her. and she gives them permission. this day, i let them. while she was at school. they practiced being dads. too cute.
we had a wonderful thanksgiving. hope you did too.
here’s gramps basting the turkey.
the bird in all its glory.
wilbur at his seat, waiting for the meal to begin. and, eyeing his candy choo choo train that grammy placed at his seat for him.
we took some family pictures. this is our “sad face” shot.
orville is working on some bigger kid things. like putting his coat on by himself. he’s not quite there yet.
the boys and i went bowling. santa was there. we didn’t get many shots with him. orville was terrified. the bowling was a blast though.
we had taco night. josh couldn’t resist playing with his food. he usually can’t.
josh and i were parent helpers at orville’s school last week.
josh helped the kids build a castle.
wilbur was taking a trip to mcdonald’s in the school’s camper.
josh coloring with some of the girls in orville’s class.
amelia had her 1st grade Christmas concert at school on wednesday. here she is before we left.
here she is performing. she’s third from the right, in the front row.
we found out amelia was having a hard time seeing some things at school. ”words on the chalkboard are a little blurry,” she said. so we took a trip to the eye doctor thursday morning.
and we got a prescription for glasses. that night she and i took a trip to the “glasses store”.
i tried some on too. so thankful i don’t need them!
and friday night, josh and i got to take a trip to PA for the love came down tour.
here is the stage.
leeland-singing sound of melodies.
sara groves and half of jars of clay-singing o come let us adore Him.
leigh nash-from sixpence none the richer-and i.
sara groves and i.
jars, and the drummer from leeland, did an amazing job on little drummer boy. jars is known for that song in some circles. they went over the top with the drumming this night. it was amazing. they were so into it. and you could tell they were doing it for the glory of the Lord. and it was almost overwhelming. the little drummer boy had nothing to offer. no gifts for the King. but he had his drum. and he played it. and he played his best. and i thought, “i have nothing to offer. nothing worthy of my King. i am a wife and a mother. i need to do that my best. for Him.” here are the lyrics to little drummer boy. i took out all the pa rum pum pum pums.
come they told me
a new born King to see
our finest gifts we bring
to lay before the King
so to honor Him
when we come
Little Baby
i am a poor boy too
i have no gift to bring
that’s fit to give the King
shall i play for You
on my drum?
mary nodded
the ox and lamb kept time
i played my drum for Him
i played my best for Him
then He smiled at me
me and my drum
we are busy getting ready for Christmas. we keep having conversations with the kids about what Christmas is really all about. and i keep reminding myself. sara groves new Christmas CD has been very helpful with this.
it came upon a midnight clear
it came upon the midnight clear,
that glorious song of old,
from angels bending near the earth,
to touch their harps of gold:
“peace on the earth, goodwill to men
from heavens all gracious King!”
the world in solemn stillness lay
to hear the angels, to hear them sing
o ye beneath life’s crushing load,
whose forms are bending low,
who toil along the climbing way
with painful steps so slow;
look now, for glad and golden hours
come swiftly on the wing;
oh rest beside the weary road
and hear the angels, and hear them sing
still through broken skies they come,
with peaceful wings unfurled;
and still their heavenly music floats
o’er all the weary world:
above its sad and lowly plains
they bend on hovering wing,
and ever o’er Babel sounds
the blessed angels, the blessed angels sing
peace, peace
and in your dark street shines
an Everlasting Light
and all your hopes and fears
are met in Him tonight
i hope your heart is preparing for His arrival too.
hopefully none of us get sick so i can keep up with the blogging.
my little girl
well, not exactly sure how to feel about the results of the EEG. i spoke with a nurse from our neurologists office yesterday. she shared that the results were ‘normal’. i thought that would mean the epilepsy is gone. but it doesn’t. it means that the epileptic activity wasn’t there during the test. it could have been there before the test. it could have been there after. it could be there right now. there’s no way to know.
because it didn’t show up during the test, we are supposed to wean amelia from her meds. she takes 4mL total, every day. 2mL in the AM, 2mL in the PM. the plan is to remove 1mL at a time, for two weeks at a time. the whole process should take 7 weeks. then, no more meds.
she could still have epilepsy.
she could start to have seizures again.
this scares me. makes me want to freeze time and stay right where i am. she’s safe from her seizures here.
but i can’t freeze. the Lord is calling me to move forward. He’s telling me to trust Him. and because the future of amelia’s epilepsy is uncertain, i have to trust Him more to move forward, than i do right now. and that’s what He wants from me.
“trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” proverbs 3:5&6
we had a beautiful day today, my little girl and i. we spent the afternoon at church for a service project for the girls program she’s in there. it was a busy time, making placemats and encouragement cards for people at our local homeless shelter, and making ornaments for the angel tree dinner our church is hosting. her pictures on the placemats weren’t so lovely. her words on the cards were misspelled. but her heart was so big and sincere. i am so glad that at such a young age she’s learning about those less fortunate. and she’s learning how to share Christ’s love with them.
read like this: let the people praise and…
come on
really? are you kidding me? remember that saying, “be careful what you ask the Lord for. He just might give it to you?” remember me wanting to have real joy today? well, to help me along, He allowed the following.
phone-ring ring
me-answering the phone-hello
person on other end of the phone-ah yes, mrs. smith? hi, this is the nurse at xyz school. amelia’s teacher just brought her down to the office. we think she has pinkeye. you’ll need to come get her.
me-oh. i just sat my boys down to eat lunch, i’ll be there in a few minutes.
this is at 11:45. orville and wilbur need to finish eating, brush their teeth, go potty and leave by 12:25 so orville can be at school on time. and i am supposed to go to the grocery store, finish four loads of laundry, bake 4 dozen cookies, prepare dinner for the in-laws, and take amelia to the doctor?
really? really? Lord, really? yeah, really.
i called my mother-in-law.
me-hi. amelia’s school called. they think she has pinkeye.
MIL-oh no.
me-do i need to take her to the dr. for this?
MIL-probably not. they might be able to just call in a prescription for you.
me-are you still willing to come over tonight?
MIL-yes.
me-i don’t think i can do this.
MIL-yes, you can. call the doctor.
me-thank you.
got off the phone. called the doctor. it’s 12:05 and they are closed for lunch from 12-1. perfect!
got the boys ready for school. picked amelia up from school. took orville to school. went to the grocery store. decided a campbell’s supper bakes meal would do. yes, even for the in-laws. left the grocery store. called the doctor. they probably can call in a prescription and if not, they’ll let me know.
come home. call my mother-in-law. tell her about the doctor. tell her about my blog from this morning. tell her about the joy. she laughs. out loud. and it makes me thankful that i have her.
so here i sit, at the computer blogging. the dryer is almost finished, only two loads to go after that. i don’t need to bake 4 dozen cookies because i can’t go to the cookie exchange. i’m eating leftover pizza. amelia and wilbur are playing with legos. i would like to start pulling out my hair. but, God just tugged at my heart. “who’d be caring for amelia if you weren’t? do you not see the joy in that?”
thank you Lord.
oh, and what’s next?
Filed under children, family, Jesus, parenting | Comments (2)back to normal?
well, since there’s no such thing, i guess not. will have wilbur home from school today. he’s fine this morning, but still had a fever last night. oh, that darn 24 hour rule! orville will go, but he has a stuffy nose. poor little guy. it’s so hard when they are so little. he can blow, but not well on his own. wilbur has the stuffy nose too, and a bad cough. and amelia is stuffy as well. and she woke up with red eyes. she said she was rubbing them a lot in her bed. and that they had some ‘crunchies’ on them, but daddy helped her and wiped them off. i decided before we left for school that she needed drops. big drama! but the eyes looked much better after the drama ended. and mommy was able to gently explain the importance of obeying(keeping your eyes open for drops), even when we don’t want to obey. what do i find myself saying all the time?? ahhh, the joy of parenting.
the joy of laundry, four loads. the joy of vacuuming, the upstairs only, because i did the downstairs yesterday. the joy of dusting, haven’t done that in awhile. the joy of grocery shopping, at least it’s only with one kid while the other two are in school. the joy of baking 4 dozen cookies for the cookie exchange at mother’s club at church tomorrow. or should i find joy in buying 4 dozen cookies?? the joy of preparing dinner for the in-laws, which i really am happy to do. especially because they are watching the kids so josh and i can go to amelia’s school conference. and they are watching them earlier than we need them to so josh and i can go out to dinner together before the conference. but, my mother-in-law has become a gourmet cook in her all-the-children-out-of-the-home-days, so my all-the-children-in-the-home-days produce inferior meals compared to hers. and please know, this is all coming from my brain and my insecurities. she’s never said anything bad about my cooking. it’s just that i know chicken and noodles from the oven doesn’t sound as cool as something that has been sautéed or poached.
wow, i am really not feeling the joy today. the sarcastic kind, yes. but not real joy. to my Lord i go.
“bring joy to your servant, for to You, O Lord, i lift up my soul.” psalm 86:4
“the Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and i am helped. my heart leaps for joy and i will give thanks to Him in song.” psalm 28:7
Filed under children, family, Jesus, marriage, parenting | Comment (1)strange day
it’s been an odd one. went to church this morning since i knew i’d be home with the sick kid tonight.
we always go at night. haven’t been in the morning in a long time. felt strange. but oh, the message was so good. we studied 1 corinthians 6:12-20. these verses stood out to me the most, 19+20, “do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? you are not your own; you were bought at a price. therefore honor God with your body.”
our pastor said this, “we belong to God, our Lord, by creation and by salvation. we need to keep our bodies healthy so we can honor him mentally, physcially, sexually, spiritually. nothing about us is an accident, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. psalm 139:13-16 says, “for You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, i know that full well. my frame was not hidden from You when i was made in the secret place when i was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”
oh, how amazing. God knew, as He was forming me, that my body would be infertile. and yet my body is still a wonderful creation. and God knew, as He was forming amelia, that her body would develop epilepsy. and yet, her body is still a wonderful creation. Lord, i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made. and i praise You because my amelia is fearfully and wonderfully made.
after church, i headed to our local Christian bookstore. had a coupon and wanted to get some things for the kids for Christmas. this was at 10:30am. found out they don’t open till 1pm.
got home a little before noon. kids still in jammies. amelia coloring at the dining room table. wilbur resting on the couch. orville building legos. josh working on tonight’s lesson for our Sunday school class. he had already done most of it during the week, but his computer had some issues and he lost it. at least for the time being. so, he had to start over. the kids slowly got dressed, one by one. then the wild came on disney channel. instead of starting lunch, we had popcorn. oh, Sunday afternoons.
at 1, i headed back to the store. on the way, i heard a message by crawford loritts. he was talking about what Jesus says about storms.
mark 4:35-41 “that day when evening came, He said to His disciples, “let us go over to the other side.” leaving the crowd behind, they took Him along, just as He was, in the boat. there were also other boats with Him. a furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. the disciples woke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, don’t You care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “quiet! be still!” then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to His disciples, “why are you so afraid? do you still have no faith?” they were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? even the wind and the waves obey Him!”
here’s what i jotted down in the car, some of what dr. loritts had to say. why are you afraid? why do you want to run? don’t hide from the storm. LOOK AT IT! God allows the storms. they are often the things we fear most. He allows them so when they are over, we look at Him with awe and wonder. even the disciples did. “Who is this? even the wind and the waves obey Him!” it’s not the storm that is the problem, it’s the unbelief in our hearts. He controls the storms. He controls everything we fear.
i thought of amelia’s epilepsy. the fear that if it comes back, we’ll have to go through the seizures all over again. the fear that if it comes back and we can’t control it, we could lose her. i thought of my dear friend who is going through a hard time in her family. oh, she is being so tested. but, beyond the test, you can see God refining her, making her more like Himself. and it is beautiful.
while sending this friend an email tonight, i said the following…“strange night and day ahead of me. so comforting to know God already had this planned and He’s gone ahead before me. wow! that just gave me chills. i pictured Jesus walking through the halls of the hospital and opening the doors that we’ll be walking through tomorrow. it’s like He’s saying, “I am here. just take the next step. keep going. I’ve already cleared the way.”
“tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take Him at His Word;
just to rest upon His promise,
and to know, “thus saith the Lord.”
Jesus, Jesus, how i trust Him!
how i’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
o for grace to trust Him more!
i’m so glad i learned to trust Him,
precious Jesus, Savior, friend;
and i know that Thou art with me,
wilt be with me to the end.
Jesus, Jesus, how i trust Him!
how i’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
o for grace to trust Him more!”
Louisa M. R. Stead, c. 1850-1917