strange day
it’s been an odd one. went to church this morning since i knew i’d be home with the sick kid tonight.
we always go at night. haven’t been in the morning in a long time. felt strange. but oh, the message was so good. we studied 1 corinthians 6:12-20. these verses stood out to me the most, 19+20, “do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? you are not your own; you were bought at a price. therefore honor God with your body.”
our pastor said this, “we belong to God, our Lord, by creation and by salvation. we need to keep our bodies healthy so we can honor him mentally, physcially, sexually, spiritually. nothing about us is an accident, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. psalm 139:13-16 says, “for You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, i know that full well. my frame was not hidden from You when i was made in the secret place when i was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”
oh, how amazing. God knew, as He was forming me, that my body would be infertile. and yet my body is still a wonderful creation. and God knew, as He was forming amelia, that her body would develop epilepsy. and yet, her body is still a wonderful creation. Lord, i praise You because i am fearfully and wonderfully made. and i praise You because my amelia is fearfully and wonderfully made.
after church, i headed to our local Christian bookstore. had a coupon and wanted to get some things for the kids for Christmas. this was at 10:30am. found out they don’t open till 1pm.
got home a little before noon. kids still in jammies. amelia coloring at the dining room table. wilbur resting on the couch. orville building legos. josh working on tonight’s lesson for our Sunday school class. he had already done most of it during the week, but his computer had some issues and he lost it. at least for the time being. so, he had to start over. the kids slowly got dressed, one by one. then the wild came on disney channel. instead of starting lunch, we had popcorn. oh, Sunday afternoons.
at 1, i headed back to the store. on the way, i heard a message by crawford loritts. he was talking about what Jesus says about storms.
mark 4:35-41 “that day when evening came, He said to His disciples, “let us go over to the other side.” leaving the crowd behind, they took Him along, just as He was, in the boat. there were also other boats with Him. a furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. the disciples woke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, don’t You care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “quiet! be still!” then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to His disciples, “why are you so afraid? do you still have no faith?” they were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? even the wind and the waves obey Him!”
here’s what i jotted down in the car, some of what dr. loritts had to say. why are you afraid? why do you want to run? don’t hide from the storm. LOOK AT IT! God allows the storms. they are often the things we fear most. He allows them so when they are over, we look at Him with awe and wonder. even the disciples did. “Who is this? even the wind and the waves obey Him!” it’s not the storm that is the problem, it’s the unbelief in our hearts. He controls the storms. He controls everything we fear.
i thought of amelia’s epilepsy. the fear that if it comes back, we’ll have to go through the seizures all over again. the fear that if it comes back and we can’t control it, we could lose her. i thought of my dear friend who is going through a hard time in her family. oh, she is being so tested. but, beyond the test, you can see God refining her, making her more like Himself. and it is beautiful.
while sending this friend an email tonight, i said the following…“strange night and day ahead of me. so comforting to know God already had this planned and He’s gone ahead before me. wow! that just gave me chills. i pictured Jesus walking through the halls of the hospital and opening the doors that we’ll be walking through tomorrow. it’s like He’s saying, “I am here. just take the next step. keep going. I’ve already cleared the way.”
“tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take Him at His Word;
just to rest upon His promise,
and to know, “thus saith the Lord.”
Jesus, Jesus, how i trust Him!
how i’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
o for grace to trust Him more!
i’m so glad i learned to trust Him,
precious Jesus, Savior, friend;
and i know that Thou art with me,
wilt be with me to the end.
Jesus, Jesus, how i trust Him!
how i’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
o for grace to trust Him more!”
Louisa M. R. Stead, c. 1850-1917
odd and ‘evening’ numbers
tonight i am feeling really grateful. for many things. i thought i’d jot them down. it’s a good way for me to remember them. and it’s good to share what we’re grateful for.
-amelia accepted Jesus as her personal Savior today. we’ve talked about this quite a few times and she’s always said she did while she lived in her foster home. but today when we talked about it she said she wasn’t sure. i asked her if she’d like to pray about it. she asked if we could at night. i told her we didn’t have to wait. so we didn’t. my heart is overflowing as i think about it. and i can’t help but think, if she would have stayed in her birth home, that she may have never had the opportunity.
-while amelia was doing some ‘homework’ from her church binder, wilbur expressed that he’d also like to have a binder when he’s in the program his sister is in. i explained that he couldn’t because the program is just for girls and he’s, well, a boy. then i explained a little about the boys program, which he’ll enter in 1st grade. i told him they do cool things like, go camping and hiking, and build wooden cars. orville chimed in and said, i want to go camping too so i can find snakes and butterflies.
-orville has been saying all kinds of cute things lately. like, wait a second guys. or i can’t see the driveway from my window because the roof is blocking it. or amelia’s stuffed dog can’t wear a collar because our dog shelby doesn’t have one.
-amelia is learning about odd and even numbers in school now. she just can’t seem to get even right. she keeps calling them ‘evening’ numbers. and, she got frustrated with me tonight because i was teaching her the right way to say pumpkin. it’s pumpkin, not punkin.
-josh made the dad from amelia’s dollhouse go to the bathroom on the roof. amelia was just beside herself laughing.
-orville, at bedtime prayers, thanked Jesus for our ice cream with prinkles(sprinkles). amelia thought he said ice cream with pickles.
-i was able to share a very deep and personal thing with a friend today. i asked her to take it to the Lord in prayer. i know she will. and i know she’ll take it very seriously.
-the Lord is once again using sara groves to speak to my heart.
“hello Lord, it’s me Your child–i have a few things on my mind–right now i’m faced with big decisions, and i’m wondering if You have a minute–right now i don’t hear so well and i was wondering if You could speak up–i know that You tore the veil so i could sit with You in person and hear what You’re saying–but right now, i just can’t hear You–i don’t doubt Your sovereignty–i doubt my own ability–to hear what You’re saying and to do the right thing–and i desperately want to do the right thing–right now i don’t hear so well and i was wondering if You could speak up–i know that You tore the veil so i could sit with You in person and hear what You’re saying–but right now, i just can’t hear You–somewhere in the back of my mind i think You are telling me to wait–and though patience has never been mine–Lord I will wait to hear from You–right now i don’t hear so well and i was wondering if You could speak up–i know that You tore the veil so i could sit with You in person and hear what You’re saying–but right now, i just can’t hear You”
-amelia, when starting to pray earlier, said we should thank God for Jesus, mary, moses and their horse. i asked her if she meant Jesus, joseph, mary and their donkey.
-saturday we went to a local farm for a fall festival with some friends from church. we had a good night together as a family and got some great pictures. i love great pictures!
-amelia turned 7 on Friday. can’t believe i have a 7 year old! she used great manners at her party, said thank you to everyone without being reminded, and seemed genuinely grateful.
-i slept really well last night.
-when questioning the Lord on certain things, He reminds me He’s given me some answers already. He reminded me today that He is the best father. He allows me what i need, what He needs me to have.
-it’s alyssa and scott’s 1 year anniversary today. i love being friends with you guys!
-i get to go on a field trip with my boys tomorrow.
-part of amelia’s church homework included her explaining “why and i here?” to me. her immediate answer was, because you adopted us, because you wanted me. the question was getting at something more profound than what 7 year old can answer, but i think her take on it was extremely profound. her being adopted is a good thing in her eyes.
-my mother-in-law is amazing. not many people can say that. but i can. and i say it often. we got to spend some time together, just us, on Sunday. and it was fun.
-i get to go to bed now. in my big, cozy bed. and i love it.
-i, Lord willing, will get to have another day tomorrow. and if He grants it, He’ll walk through it with me.
Filed under Jesus, adoption, children, family, music | Comments (4)you’re a grand ole’ flag
amelia’s version in italics
you’re a grand old flag
you’re a high flying flag
and forever in peace may you wave (way)
you’re the emblem of
the land i love
the home of the free (freedom) and the brave
ev’ry heart beats (beeps) true
‘neath (for) the red, white and blue
da da da da da -she can’t remember the rest of the words. or, she’s frustrated with us for trying to explain to her that hearts beat, cars beep. too cute!
stirrings
God is always working on/in my heart. lately it’s felt stronger than usual. God is leading me into some new things. new opportunities to share Him and the work He’s done and continues to do in my life. i want my life to be about Him.
our worship leader, drew, has written this amazing song, proclaim, right out of the psalms. i can’t get it out of my head.
“my soul declares Your righteousnes
my mouth will speak Your truth.
my hands and feet, will show Your grace
and my life will proclaim You”
i wish you could hear it. i wish you could be there when we sing it at church. the joy that is in drew when he is leading us in worship is contagious. and i want to be like that too. i want my soul to declare His righteousness, my mouth to speak His truth, my hands and feet to show His grace, and my life to proclaim Him.
He is so amazing.
tonight was our adoption group, woven together, at church. we had a speaker, mike, from the waiting child fund. i first heard mike sometime last year, at a local ministers breakfast on adoption. i was blown away by his passion for helping waiting children, and the way he was going about doing that. i just knew i needed to have him come to our group to share his story with us. after tonight, hearing the story again, and seeing his passion again, i am reminded of what i think God might be doing with me. my story doesn’t begin and end with the adoption of my three children. i believe that somewhere along this road, there are more children for me to reach out to. i don’t know if that’s in my home or out of my home, but i know God brought mike along to remind me of the work He is doing and that i need to be a part.
He is so amazing.
and of course sara does that too, reminds me. she has a song, i saw what i saw, that was written about a trip she took to rwanda. please, watch the video here. in may i was at a concert of hers and when she talked about this song, i thought, that’s me.
“i saw what i saw and i can’t forget it
i heard what i heard and i can’t go back
i know what i know and i can’t deny it.”
i have been in the homes of abused and neglected children. waiting children. i have heard their stories, seen their pain. i know about the system and how it works and why it exists. God has shown me these things for a reason. i can’t turn a blind eye and walk away.
He is so amazing.
on my way home tonight, i turned on watermark. hidden in You was playing.
“i will call upon You Lord
for You are worthy to be praised
and You alone are deserving of my life
so this is who i am
a lover of a man who was scorned for sinners
and You, You won the war over me
so my worship will be a life that is hidden in You
Your life is setting me free
so my worship will be a life that is hidden in You
i will call upon You Lord
for You are worthy of my praise
and You alone are the center of my life
so this is who i am
offered to the man who was broken for me”
this is who i am. i am in love with a Man who was scorned for sinners and who was broken for me. and i don’t want to close myself to the stirrings He creates in my life. i want to hide myself in Him so i can be free to do what He is calling me to do.
He is so amazing.
i want my life to proclaim Him.
Filed under Jesus, adoption, children, music | Comment (1)little know-it-alls
in the car the other day we were singing a song the kids learned in their children’s choir.
“i’ve been redeemed
by the blood of the Lamb
i’m goin’ to the Promised Land
all my sins are washed away
i’ve been redeemed”
amelia asks, “what’s redeemed by the blood of the Lamb mean anyway?” josh and i fumbled with our words, trying to answer such a profound question in a way a child could understand. finally, we just came up with something pretty simple which is all you need to do anyway, with a child or an adult. “well,” we said. “it means that Jesus is sometimes called the Lamb of God and when He died on the cross, He took all your sin with Him.” she’s heard this before, but i think the word redeemed threw her off. she gladly accepted our answer and kept on singing. wilbur chimed in, “yeah, well, even, Jesus had a beard.”
then yesterday, wilbur, amelia, and i were having a discussion about their birth parents and their foster home. amelia remembers a lot of what has gone on, but wilbur doesn’t remember much. he was asking about when he was a baby. he wondered why he can’t remember being teeny tiny. i told him not many people do. he asked if he went on walks in a stroller and i assured him he probably did. i asked if he remembered his birth mom. he did. i asked if he remembered his birth father. he did not. after a few more questions, and a few more answers, amelia chimes in, “yeah, well i know all about frogs.”
are my children brilliant or what?!?
and last night, our little guy graduated from his one day a week preschool. he’s not a know it all yet. probably will be next year, when he turns 4.
invade
we are in need of some major Jesus intervention over here. life is not easy! all that we’ve been through over the past few years has taken a toll. though it’s done amazing things in our lives, it’s also done some damage. we realize the only way to repair that is to bring in a little, or a lot!, more of Him. He’s the only one who can patch the holes, mend the torn fabric of our lives. watermark is a favorite band of mine. i would link to them, but at this time they seem to not have a website. strange, but trust me, i have searched. anyway, she, the wife of the duo, wrote this song when her husband was out of town. she was uncomfortable in the house alone and made sure to invite Jesus in. but it’s a song that pops into my head almost daily-even when my husband is home. i find myself singing it when i am making the beds, sweeping the floor, folding the laundry, letting the dog out, etc. i just want Jesus in here. i want to feel His presence. i want my kids to feel His presence. i want my husband to feel His presence. i want all who enter to feel His presence. maybe you need some extra Jesus in your home. talk to Him, sing to Him. invite Him in.
invade-watermark
come, come in
invade all You see of us
any man, who’d walk Your road is welcomed here
and You’re the only one
Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
tread this place and turn it inside out
with Your mercy…
Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
and let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms
Jesus invade…
reach, reach in
with the hand that heals all our suffering
conquer all that is not of You
bring Your spirit through as we fill these walls with Your praise
Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
tread this place and turn it inside out
with Your mercy…
Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
and let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms
Jesus invade…
i call for angels
i call for mercy
i call for freedom
in the name of Jesus
in the name of Jesus
come, come in
invade all You see of us
any man, who’d walk Your road is welcomed here
and You’re the only one
Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
tread this place and turn it inside out
with Your mercy…
Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
and let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms
Jesus invade…
“what can wash away my sin?
-nothing but the blood of Jesus
what can make me whole again?
-nothing but the blood of Jesus
oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow
no other fount i know, nothing but the blood of Jesus”
i was at a women’s conference this weekend. i know, i know, you usually come home from these things “changed” or “wanting to change”. but, i have been wanting to change for some time now. i have been a Christian since i was 5. that’s 26 years now. on one hand, i praise the Lord that He saved me at such a young age. on the other, i wonder why has it taken so long, and so many attempts, to actually live like i’m saved. oh, i am not a bad person. i love my husband and my children. we have a nice home and nice cars. we are faithful at church, even serve there in multiple ways. we pay our bills. we pay our taxes. we shovel the sidewalk and even put the carts in the right place in the grocery store parking lot. i pray and sing in worship to my God, but my heart hasn’t chased after His in quite awhile.
so the conference broke me. no. not really. increased my desire, yes. but what broke me was the HUGE argument i had, about EVERYTHING, with my husband late last night. and as i stepped into the shower to get ready for bed, my heart just came spilling out to my God.
“what can wash away my sin?
-nothing but the blood of Jesus
what can make me whole again?
-nothing but the blood of Jesus
oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow,
no other fount i know, nothing but the blood of Jesus”
“oh, but Lord, i am so broken,” i sobbed. “i am so broken, so broken, so broken. i don’t love my husband the way i should. i don’t love my children the way i should. i don’t live for You the way i should. please help me.” and He so gently replied,
“come all ye who are weary
come all ye who are heavy laden
come all ye who are broken and suffering
and I will give you rest”
and over and over i sang it, “come all ye who are weary…” and for the first time ever, i realized, i have to come. i have to come to Him, and He will give me rest. all i have to do is simply come. He’s waiting. and for the first time, in a long time, i fell asleep last night with such peace. such a deep, sweet peace. the kind only Jesus can provide.
“this is all my hope and peace
-nothing but the blood of Jesus
this is all my righteousness
nothing but the blood of Jesus”
thank you Lord.
Filed under Jesus, children, family, marriage, music | Comment (1)