final visit

we had a great final visit with our kids tonight. we went to an indoor play/dinner place. they have video games, skee ball, etc. they also have this really great sliding board/tube/little tikes houses area for the younger kids. and, it’s free! not dinner though, of course.

so, we ordered our food and went to play until it was ready. the kids had a great time climbing and sliding. and when they called for us to pick up our food, the kids were ready to eat. they all ate really well. chicken fingers, fries, applesauce and milk. josh and i had cheeseburgers and fries. after dinner, it was time for more playing. we played for about 45 minutes straight. we were all tired! we loaded in the van and traveled back to meet up with their foster mom.

tonight i surprisingly didn’t feel overwhelmed. for the past few days our near future has been weighing heavily on me. but being with the kids tonight, i just felt full of love for them.

our final visit was only about two hours. that seems short until i think about the kids moving in on saturday. then we have a lifetime together.

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when it rains, it pours

i can measure God’s goodness and faithfulness throughout my entire life, but it seems that lately, He has been showering many blessings around me. we are four days away from bringing our children home. i am still overwhelmed. still scared. still excited. there are so many things i wanted to have done before the big move in, but i have realized there isn’t enough time to do everything. some things will just have to wait.

this past week of my life has been very full. full of goodness and love and times that i will cherish forever. sara groves was in town last thursday night at hudson community chapel. i had known for some time that she was coming. i made plans with a friend to attend, and invited my mom and my mother-in-law. a couple of weeks before the show however, we all decided there was too much going on to spend the night out. it felt somewhat irresponsible in the light of bringing three children home to live with me in the matter of a week and a half. but, when thursday morning rolled around, i really felt the Lord telling me i needed to be at the concert. sara’s music has played such a huge part in leading me to where i am today. God has really used her to speak to my life and i felt it would be a really good idea to have a night to worship the Lord through sara’s music. i called my mom to let her know i was going and she offered to join me. we had an amazing time. sara was as she always is. very real, open, honest. we laughed, we cried. at the end of the evening, i was able to talk with sara, as i have had the privilege to do before. the last time i shared with her that josh and i had been on a journey through infertility and it was leading us toward adoption. this time, i was able to share with her that our adoption journey has lead us to three beautiful children. i cried, sara cried. she remembered meeting me before and she was so excited to see where we have arrived. i was able to share pictures of the kids with her and she took a couple of them with her, wanting to pray for josh and i, and our children. what a blessing!
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friday was my last day at work. my last day being a nanny. my last day of doing what i have been doing every day for the past three years of my life. it was a very hard day emotionally. i had some time alone in their home and i spent time in each of the children’s rooms, just looking at their things, touching their clothes, their beds. i was sobbing. but, it was a much needed sob. i needed to be able to say good-bye to so many things in order to move on to my new role as mom. i am going to keep in touch with this family. we actually are going to start building a friendship with one another and our families, as opposed to an employer/employee relationship. i am very grateful.
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saturday, my mother-in-law threw a baby shower for me. i was a very overwhelming time, in a very good way. there were people from every phase of my life there. it made me feel so loved to see that so many people wanted to come to show me their love and support. we got so many gifts. people were so generous! we are now way more prepared to be parents of three. if you are reading this and you were there, thank you so much. words cannot express what having you there meant to me. and to mom(josh’s mom), thank you for throwing the shower. what a beautiful time to spend with people who love us.
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saturday night, we had our second overnight visit with our kids. josh brought them home while i was at the shower. we spent the evening eating dinner with our families and enjoying watching the kids get wound up with uncle nathan and uncle ben. that’s what uncles are for. right? the baby was very tired, so tired in fact that he didn’t know whether to fall asleep or stay awake and cry. it took him awhile to get settled, but once we put him in his crib, he was asleep within two minutes. after the family left, we watched some scooby doo with the two oldest kids. they were able to unwind during the video and then we got them ready for bed. they brushed their teeth and climbed into bed with no problem. we said prayers and within about 5-10 minutes, they were both asleep. josh and i met downstairs at the dining room table. it was only 9:20pm! and, all the kids were asleep! we are hoping this was a taste of what’s to come. we had time to sit and talk about the day. i shared with him who was there and some of the gifts we got. he spent some time working on his blog. i spent some time working on laundry. we were in bed by 11pm and all three kids slept all through the night! we did too!! we had them most of the day Sunday. we played at home and at the park. then we returned them to their foster mom. we’ll see them tomorrow for a short visit and then saturday they’ll move home.
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Sunday afternoon, my sister gave birth to her first child. i am now a proud aunt to a nephew, william henry. he’s 7lbs, 20 inches long. he came a few weeks early, but mommy and will are doing very well. i was really hoping to be able to travel to NM to meet him shortly after his birth, but since our children are coming home in a few days, i won’t be traveling anytime soon. my sister, her husband, and son will be in ohio in august, so i will likely meet him then. it feels like ages away, but i know it will come quickly. congratulations kimmie and peter. and welcome to the world little will. we love you so much already!
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so now i continue on in my last few days as me and as a wife. in a few days i’ll add title of mother to that line-up. i already feel like a mother in my heart, but on saturday, i will take on that role.

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tonight’s visit…#7

well, there’s not much to write about this time. our visit was only about two hours long and most of it was spent playing at mcdonald’s. we had planned to go to a park and have a picnic, but today turned out to be a little chilly. and it rained most of the day so the park would have been soaked. what kid doesn’t like mcdonald’s though? and josh and i like it too. i know, some people think it’s gross, but not us!

we met up with the kids at 6pm. at dinner they were so good about eating before we played. we actually didn’t even need to talk about it. they sat right down and started eating. our middle son was giving us a little bit of a hard time about eating ‘enough’ before he could go play. once we set the guideline of ‘one more bite’ before playing, it took him awhile, but he finally followed through.

the kids had a blast climbing in the playplace. i took a stroll through myself. it’s hard when you’re an adult! it takes lots of energy, crouching, and hurting your knees before you make it to a slide and sail your way out. the kids really enjoyed me being in there with them so it was totally worth it. josh and the baby played on the 3 and under slide. i got some cute video of them together, maybe someday we can post it.

when it was time to leave, i called the kids to get their shoes on. they came right over and got ready to go. i am so thankful for this! when at mcdonald’s you see so many kids throwing a fit when play time is over. i haven’t had to deal with that with the kids i nanny, and not having to deal with it tonight made us really happy!

on our way back to meet up with foster mom, we sang some songs in the car. our daughter’s favorite song is ‘open the eyes of my heart Lord’ so we gave it a go a couple of times. she and josh enjoyed clapping along to the music. so cute!

foster mom asked if the kids talked about us being their mommy and daddy. she was surprised when we told her no. she said they have been talking about it with her. our daughter asked her, “who will be the kids at your house when we go live at josh and kirsten’s?” how precious is that! and foster mom told us their pastor prayed for us in church on Sunday. that means so much to us! these kids have been surrounded by love and prayer for a whole year now. it started before we even knew who they were. we are so grateful.

we have another overnight on saturday. keep our little ones in your prayers. i am sure it’s kind of scary for them. we’ll do our best to help them feel safe! until saturday…

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can you say overwhelming?

i am a bit overwhelmed right now. have been for a few days. maybe even a few weeks actually. mentally, physically, and emotionally, i just feel drained. we have had so much going on. we’re living in a whirlwind, and while it’s very exciting, it will be nice when life settles down a little.

josh updated his blog. yes, he finally did. if you’ve not checked it out before, you should venture on over. he’s a pretty funny guy. and learning a little more about him might help you understand why i am the way i am. ha!

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we had visits number 5 and 6 with the kids last week. tuesday night we met up with them for dinner and dessert. we dined at burger king. fancy, i know. but when you’re dishing out money for five and you’re used to doing so for only two, you must not splurge. the kids were great at dinner. they ate well and behaved well. our middle child is a loud talker, especially in public. we think he’s just making sure we’re paying attention to him and not only to the oldest child and the youngest. i am a middle child so i completely understand. i know it’s not easy. i swear i will honor his birth order!

after dinner we took a ride in our van and sang some songs. we would have loved to go to a park to play but it was in the low 50′s and rainy. the kids handled the car ride very well, but wondered if we were actually heading somewhere. they didn’t understand the just driving around idea. that is something i love to do though, so someday, they’ll get it. as soon as gas prices drop a little!

after driving around we made a stop at DQ for dessert. these kids really enjoy ice cream, especially the oldest. she polished hers off quickly and then moved on to her brothers. i guess if there are days she won’t eat anything, we know what we can give her. there was a cavs game on while we were there so josh was teaching the kids to yell, “go cavs!” they were having a blast. we then met up with their foster mom and parted ways after chit-chatting and playing for a little while.

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visit number 6 was actually our first overnight visit. we picked the kids up on friday night around 6pm. once we got home we headed to the park to play. they loved swinging and sliding on the slides and riding on the teeter toter. i think they could play at the park forever. that will come in handy on days there is nothing to do.

after the park we went home and cleaned up and got in jammies. next it was time for a snack. we gathered around the table and had milk and graham crackers. and after our snack, we piled on the couch to have a little talk about becoming a family. we explained to the kids that there are lots of people who love them and want good things for them. and that these people think they should have a mommy and daddy who can love and care for them. we explained how we don’t have any kids but that we really want to and that we’d like to be the mommy and daddy who get to take care of them and have them live at our house. the oldest is the only one who has the slightest idea of what’s going and she just smiled, said okay, and started playing with some toys.

due to their ages, we weren’t expecting much out of the conversation, but they didn’t start crying and screaming so i guess we got somewhere. the most important thing to josh and i is that we opened the door for the family/mommy and daddy conversation to take place. the kids can now at least think about it and start to understand who we are and why we are involved in their lives.

after play time, it was bed time. we filed upstairs to brush teeth. the kids all did really well with this. then we filed in their bedrooms to get some much needed sleep. our daughter went down just fine. she’s in love with her new room and her lamp on her nightstand. she thinks it’s just the neatest thing to have a little lamp that’s all hers. the boys on the other hand, weren’t so easy to put down. they were scared of their new room, these strangers putting them to bed, etc. this was understandable and it made me sad. as their mother, i didn’t want them to be scared. josh and i split the boys up and each consoled one. it took about 20-25 minutes to get them to sleep, but it finally happened. i finished up some laundry and then we climbed in bed. we were exhausted!

i had a hard time getting to sleep. the monitor was right by my head and every time the kids turned over, or breathed heavily, i wondered if they’d wake up. one of them finally did, at 1:45am. the baby had lost his paci and i went in to find it for him. i did so quickly and once it was replaced in his mouth, he was quiet, but as soon as i turned to leave, he started crying. i scooped him up, hoping he wouldn’t wake the other two, and i stood by his crib and rocked him in my arms. he fell asleep and i went to lay him back down. he woke up and started crying again. i went through the same routine one more time and then josh stepped in. he carried him downstairs and they sat on the couch. our poor little guy was wide awake at this point and it took about a half an hour to get him back to sleep. and as soon as josh came up the stairs, he woke up again.

josh brought him into our room and held him on our bed. i changed his diaper which was pretty wet. josh got him to fall asleep again, until he tried to lay him in his crib. then i got another turn and i too held him on our bed. i finally got him to start to fall asleep again and when i went to lay him down in his crib, he started to cry, but i just stood next to the crib and rubbed his head and he fell asleep in a few minutes. it was now 3:15am. we were very tired, but during this whole time, josh and i were having huge mommy and daddy moments. we were both really connecting to our little guy, providing him with the security and love he needed to feel from us. and we were connecting with eachother. we needed no words other than ‘i love you’ and we said it over and over again.

morning came quickly. the boys woke up around 7:30am. josh sat on the couch with them and i jumped in the shower. we woke our daughter up around 8:15am. i think she could have slept much longer, but breakfast was ready and we didn’t want her to miss out on eating with the rest of the family.

after breakfast, josh took a shower, we all got dressed for the day and played with some toys inside. then we headed out to the yard to play ball. right then our great friends jeff and heidi arrived from columbus. the kids were very excited to meet them, and jeff and heidi were very excited to meet the kids. we spent most of the day playing outside. we all ate lunch together and the boys took a nap. after nap time we went to the park again. a huge hit with the kiddos! then it was time for them to go back to their foster home.

on our way back, jeff said, “well, you’ve got yourselves a volleyball player, a soccer player, and a football player.” our daughter replied, “i’ll just be a princess.” i guess girls are just born that way!

we have another visit scheduled for tonight. and another overnight visit scheduled for this weekend. again, we’ll let you know how things go!

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i’ve been tagged, our third and fourth visits, and i’ve found some pretty cool random stuff while cleaning out the kids bedrooms

that’s likely the longest blog title ever. it matches my posts that tend to be too long. unless you really care about what’s happening in our lives, then you could probably read more.

so i’ve been tagged. first time. thanks stephanie. i hope i get this right. i am supposed to list six weird things about me. some of you who know me well might be saying, “only six?”. sorry folks. this is just a sampling.

1. i am adopting three children at once. that’s not wierd to me, but i think some people think it makes me totally crazy. it is a bit overwhelming, but hey, why not jump in all the way all right off the bat.

2. i have to eat things in even numbers. this isn’t everything, but little things, like m&m’s, skittles, raisins, cheerios, etc. if someone gives me three m&m’s, i’ll put all three in my mouth, put one on one side of my mouth, one on the other side, and then split the third one to give each side one and a half. i also prefer to have an even number of colors. if you give me a green m&m and a red m&m you’ll think you did it right because you gave me the even number of two. but now my colors are off so i have to split each color in two so each side of my mouth has half green and half red. weird or obsessive, not sure which.

3. i sometimes hold my arm up in the air in the middle of the night and stroke it gently. josh has caught me doing this multiple times and it totally cracks him up. sometimes one of us will catch my arm on it’s way up and then we’ll push it back down before i have the chance to get started. i don’t think i have rubbed my arm in awhile, but since i am sleeping, i am not sure.

4. i am slightly obsessed with sara groves music. i have seen her 5 or 6 times within the past couple of years. if she’s anywhere within a couple hundred mile radius, i’ll likely be there. every single song she has out, has something to do with some part of my life. i swear, it’s true. and a few of her songs have helped guide me through our infertility/adoption journey.

5. i am literally obsessed with 6/23. that’s the day i was born. and for years i would randomly look at the clock and see 6:23. it happened so frequently and i always made a fuss over it and it started to drive people crazy. i think the fact that i used to do that still drives my husband crazy. poor guy. could be worse i guess. i could have some crazy even number/even color food obsession. oh wait, i do!

6. sometimes when my breath is stinky, josh will say, “how about if you have a piece of gum?” sometimes i’ll say, “no.” then josh will say, “how about if i get you some mints?” then i’ll say, “i don’t want any mints, i just won’t talk at you.”

so now i have to tag people? hmmmm…will anyone i tag actually do this? i guess i’ll just have to try.

1. josh-my husband
2. derrak and melanie
3. jeff and amanda
4. becks and lee
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we had our third visit with our children on tuesday night. i feel horrible that i haven’t written about it. sorry! it went very well, even though it made me very tired!

we picked the kids up a little after 5:30pm to take them to dinner/supper. we call it dinner, they call it supper. they were excited to see us and excited to ride in our van. we filed out to the van with the baby crying. he doesn’t like being away from foster mom. at least not at first. once i opened his door and started putting him in his car seat, he was fine. he was even smiling. josh climbed in the back of the van with the other two kids and helped them get buckled in. what a great dad. i didn’t even have to ask him to do that!

off we went into a their little town. there are only 3 or 4 restaurants. all mom and pop family diner type places. we picked one and went in. josh rounded up three boosters and we took our places. the food took a little longer to arrive than we would have liked, but we managed. the kids colored on their placemats with a couple of pens from my purse. the pens didn’t survive, but the kids were happy.

all three kids ate well and behaved well. after dinner we went to a park to play. the two oldest, who are very mobile, we all over the place! they tried 3 different slides. almost 4, but one was too high. they rode the teeter toter, the merry-go-round, went swinging on the swings. we were out for a total of three hours and we were all pretty tired.

back at the foster home we read a couple of adoption stories the foster mom had gotten from the library. she had started reading some of them with the kids so they could start to get an idea about what adoption is. the oldest one is likely the only one who will kind of understand at this point, but it’s good to plant the seed.

josh and i headed home, going straight to bed. we were exhausted! i didn’t think i would have been that tired, after all, this is what i do for a living! but, i have been working at my nanny job for almost three years and in know how everything works with those kids. with my kids though, everything is new.

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we had our fourth visit with our kids on saturday. this was our first all day visit and actually, a whole day of firsts. we picked the kids up at 11am and brought them to our house. bringing them to our house this first time was just to let them see it and spend a little time in it so they can begin to get comfortable here. we came in and looked around and met the dog. the dog didn’t go over too well with the two youngest kids. they cried, alot! so we kept her outside most of the time, but we’ll keep trying with her and them. we would give her up if we absolutely have to, but we don’t really want to. and, we aren’t sure it’s so healthy to have a fear of dogs when you haven’t really been around them ever. so we’ll see what happens. we ate lunch together and played a game before we left. then we were off to my parents house and josh’s parents house.

everything went really with both families. the kids were shy at first, same as they were with us and that is to be expected. they adjusted quickly to their new surroundings and all of the new faces. all of our siblings got to meet the kids, except my sister who lives in NM and is 8 1/2 months pregnant. she’ll be home in august with her husband and baby, and the kids will get to meet her then.

we had pie and ice cream at my parents house to celebrate my dad’s birthday which was thursday. this was the first time in 35 years he didn’t hear ‘happy birthday dear dad’, but instead heard ‘happy birthday dear papa’. it was very sweet and i think very special for all of us. at josh’s parents we ate dinner together, pizza and chips.

we had the kids back to their foster home by 9. we were all very tired! we have put them in their jammies for the ride down so they’d be ready for bed already. they had a snack, brushed their teeth, went potty, etc. and were off to bed.

the day went so well, the kids got along great with everyone. josh and i thouroughly enjoyed ourselves and while we could agree we are crazy for taking this all on, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

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we visit with the kids again tonight. another time to eat out and just hang out. the more used to us they get the better. and then friday night they are sleeping over for the first time. three little babies in my house! sleeping! we can’t wait to have them here for an overnight and though we’ll really enjoy playing with them, eating with them, watching cartoons with them, etc, it will be neat to see them sleeping here, in their rooms, in their beds, in our house. i imagine the tears for josh and i will be flowing plentifully when we crawl into our bed!

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and now i leave you with this. i discovered it years ago and still have it on the original piece of paper i wrote it on. then i re-discovered it the other night while cleaning out my random stuff from our daughters room. it makes my heart smile.

“each lifetime is the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
for some there are more pieces,
for others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble.
some seem to be born with a nearly completed puzzle,
and so it goes.
soul’s going this way and that trying to assemble the myriad parts.

but know this.
no one has within themselves all the pieces to their puzzle.
everyone carries with them at least one and probably many pieces to someone else’s puzzle.
sometimes they know it.
sometimes they don’t.

and when you present your piece which is worthless to you,
to another, whether you know it or not,
whether they know it or not,
you are a messenger from the Most High.”
–rabbi lawrence kushner

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in need of wisdom

please pray for us! we have a long list of things to be praying about. becoming mom and dad, becoming a family, me being home fulltime, getting our house ready, the adjustment of the children to all that will going on, their alleged fear of dogs and the fact that we have one, etc. all that aside, we need wisdom.

over the next couple of visits with the kids, tonight and saturday, we will begin talking about the idea of us becoming a family and the kids coming to live in our home. i think i know what to say, but do i? we are taking them from all they have known for the past year of their lives and that’s pretty much all they remember. most things before that are probably just a big blur.

i am sure some of you are saying “don’t worry about it, they’ll be fine. look at all you’re doing for them. giving them the gift of a forever family, a nice home, a ride in a cool mini-van, a better chance at having a good life, and a really funny daddy.” i understand that thought pattern, and i agree. but also for me, they are the gift.

they are giving me a better chance at a good life. they are giving me a forever family. they will make our nice home even better. now i’ll have little ones to tote here and there in my cool van.

they are giving me the chance to become a mom.

and as their mom i don’t want them to be scared when they visit my house and spend the night the first time. i don’t want them to be confused about why their whole world has been changed. i don’t want them to be sad that they have been taken away from everything they know to be safe and secure.

i have seen many children go through this transition and they have all managed just fine. but that doesn’t take away the little heartache i feel over such little people going through such big changes. we’ll make it through, i know that. i believe it 100%. but, we still need some extra wisdom. please pray that God will give us the right words, the perfect amount of hugs and kisses, and enough love to make it through.

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He Is Risen! and…another visit

happy Easter to all!

is it appropriate to write about the Resurrection and our second visit with our kids in the same post? i believe it is. i am celebrating the Resurrection of His life and the new life that it gives me. so, here goes.

in Christ alone

in Christ alone my hope is found

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